Fed up with the adverts!!! Babies everywhere!!!

I haven’t posted for a while and I apologise for that, but I have been struggling. On the outside I am still happy, jokey, ‘bit of a twat’ Jodie still, but on the inside the following is going on;

  • I am beginning to think my tv knows when I sit down as it seems that when I do, an advert showing newborn babies comes on!!!! OR an advert for the latest pregnancy test!!!!
  • Despite trying to lose weight, I appear to be getting fatter (might have something to do with all the chocolates I’m cramming in my mouth as I am a depressed train wreck). The fatter I get, the bigger my tummy gets (obviously) but this seems to be particularly evil at present as I keep catching myself in the mirror ‘looking’ pregnant. Weird I know.
  • I am supposed to be 4 months pregnant right now! But thanks to mother nature stealing that from me, I have to watch my colleagues be pregnant instead. I ADORE my colleagues and am truly over the moon for them, but I am SUPPOSED to be pregnant with them.  It hurts 😦
  • We’ve started discussing adoption and fostering quite seriously now, and it’s something I’d really love to do (and have been hoping the day would come when we start this process). But it appears that it’s made me want my own even more!!!!!! That wasn’t supposed to happen! I was going to ‘move on’ and accept things, be an adult; no problem. Plus I can’t have my own anyway, egg donation is the only way for me, and we have simply run out of money.

But I am fighting to get my Christmas spirit back, appreciative of all the things I have in my life and grateful for the love and friendship that keeps me sane. This is the biggest guilt trip of all, knowing that other people have far worse tragedies going on than me. Got to keep the perspective. Got to be positive. Got to keep trying.

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One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Fran on December 15, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Don’t know what to say to that really. Anything I want to say sounds pathetic. Keep positive. Something good WILL come your way and always remember your lovely Madison! X

    Reply

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