Archive for the ‘2WW’ Category

It didn’t work

The FET didn’t work. This particular journey has ended.

I will post more later but right now we’re going to walk the dog by the river and hold hands. And just love each other.

2WW: 12DPT (days past transfer)

I haven’t posted this week mainly because I haven’t been in the best of places. I don’t think it’s worked and the anxiety and mental-ness that has come with that has been rather overpowering. I just didn’t know what to put in a post.

Basically (and without going into too much detail) I feel incredibly unpregnant and am expecting AF (Auntie Flo = period) to appear any moment. The drugs I am on have made me quite neurotic and I haven’t dealt with my ‘in limbo’ status very well at all. I broke down in tears on Wednesday and fingers crossed that was the worst of it out of my system. Luckily for me, when I fall apart (and I do fall apart) it doesn’t take long for me to pick up the pieces and soldier on, which is how I feel at the moment. At work I have been able to smile, converse with colleagues, go to meetings and all other ‘normal’ stuff, but when I get home it’s like a big emotional balloon deflating 😦 If my poor hubby just touched my arm I flinched and the tears started to well up, I just couldn’t take the emotions.

Yes I have tested early and no it wasn’t a positive result, but then I shouldn’t test early then should I?

Going utterly insane and can’t stand not being in control and having to wait for what will probably be bad news. This utterly sucks.

2WW: It’s getting scary now

First week was fine, flew by, I kept myself busy and positive, but now as I enter the second week…..I think it’s beginning to get to me. I have been having random symptoms but the trouble is I’m fully aware that these symptoms could be the drugs, a period or a pregnancy so am trying desperately to ignore them. Also, this morning I had an EPIC freak out when I suddenly realised that I hadn’t been taking the 75mg of aspirin a day!!!!! How the hell did I forget this??!!!!! I am so disappointed in myself (and the hubby for not reminding me), I can’t believe I’ve paid thousands of pounds, gone through physical torture, emotional breakdowns and at the last hurdle forgotten to take something as simple (and cheap) as a daily baby aspirin!!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!!!

I’m waiting for the clinic to call me back and tell me what an utter doughnut I am.

I have also noticed that I have developed anger issues which I suspect are coming from the steroids. I’m perfectly fine and then all of a sudden I simply want to stab something/someone. It’s really quite that aggressive and kicks in within a second; very strange experience. I had a go at a woman in Asda on Saturday, the normal shopping trolley rage, too many people, not enough brain cells type of shopping experience, but I had to stop in front of the yoghurts and out loud say to myself “Breathe, Jodie, breathe”. God knows what people must have thought of me.

I think I may give being a neurotic woman a go and start taking pregnancy tests everyday, just go with the mental flow as it where. It’ll all be over by the end of the week (ish) one way or another.

BAAAAAAAH!

Can you enjoy yourself in the 2WW?

Yeah baby!

2 week wait

Very glamorous!

This is me last night at a friend’s birthday bash down the local pub. It was an AMAZING night! I made lovely new friends, caught up with old ones and took photos of them all. I even had a bit of a boogie which I have really missed since my knee surgery and I love an excuse to shake my tailfeather 😉 During this wonderful evening of karaoke, cake and drunkenness (not mine of course) did I ponder on my 2WW situation…or did I manage to pretend I was someone else for the night? Nah! Of course I thought about my Potentials and how they were getting on; making sure I was drinking enough water, not doing any jumpy movements (I was grooving, not headbanging) and popping outside now and then to get some fresh air and cool down.

A couple of people offered me a drink and when I said “No thank you I’m good, I don’t drink” I noticed that nearly everyone reacts the same way to this statement. A frown. It’s like I’ve just said “Hi I’m actually your future grand-daughter and I’ve hitched a lift with a time traveller just to see you tonight” Saying “No” to an offer of alcohol is just…..unheard of! I used to be a HUGE drinker, loved my booze, and I’m trying to remember if this is how I reacted to tea-totallers? The reality is I probably did and I think it’s because drinking is such a big part of our social scene that you’re not really socializing unless you have a glass/pint in your hand. What’s strange though is that if you offered someone a cigarette and they didn’t smoke, you wouldn’t try forcing them to have one, but that’s what happens when you don’t drink alcohol. I know it’s well-meaning, but trust me I’m happy not drinking, and I’m happy for you to continue drinking in front of me…it really isn’t a problem. But it then leads to “Why don’t you drink?” and they’re not happy being brushed off with a small answer like health, they want to know everything.

So I told. I started off by simply saying that I’m trying for a baby, but that leads to “Oh you can have a couple, it won’t do any harm” which then leads to my explaining that we’ve been trying for years and have had IVF etc….but then they start putting their thinking caps on and start telling me “what you need to do is relax/go away for a weekend/I knew a woman once who did *this* and she got pregnant immediately/eat more bananas/etc.. etc.. etc..” then I want to say “yes I know all this!!!!!!” But I don’t because that’s just rude.

I actually think it’s wonderful that a conversation flowed after I was so open with a topic that most still keep very quiet, and what I have found is that people are actually quite interested. They also want to help; they search their memories for any useful tip they may have once read on getting pregnant just to pass on to me. I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable because I’m so open about a sensitive subject, but I’m pleased with how I conversed with others on infertility and how they did to me in return. Basically I had a wonderful evening with no worries, and I could be myself and have fun.

On another note, I am now 6 days into the 2WW and all is still fine. I do have some symptoms BUT symptoms come from the drugs or an impending period as well as from a possible pregnancy and I’m very aware of that so my feet are firmly on the ground still.

Honest.

2WW : 3 days in and all’s well

I know it’s only been three days but if you’ve ever gone through a 2WW (the two week wait before you can take a pregnancy test to see if your attempt worked) you will know that every day is excruciating! It’s like being 5 years old and waiting for Christmas to arrive, except there’s a strong chance that you may be getting a lump of coal instead of presents. I am actually doing very well and although I, understandably, have nothing exciting to report yet, I think I’m coping ok 🙂

Knowing that so many people are wishing us good luck and sending their positive vibes, is a huge thing; makes me very humble. My lovely donor friend is excited for us too and I love that we can talk about it together. Today she told me that she couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to help somebody out if they could, and that it’s the same as organ donating or giving blood. She is truly one in a million!

I can really appreciate that this isn’t just a journey to get a baby. There are so many little excursions along the way, and all of them are soul nourishing! Life is full of hope and happiness; it’s not about being lucky enough to find it, it’s about being clever enough to recognise it.